Anger perhaps best kept to myself… Can god help me?

I have a primary care ‘doctor’ as required by my insurance and as most people do.
My psychiatrist simply wrote me off as schizophrenic-affective- disorder
Even though I do not present with several of the qualifiers in the dsm4 because my story and experience contain several points that they simply can’t seem to believe even though they are
I have PTSD
Panic attacks
Social phobia
Memory loss
Alzheimer’s like symptoms
Visual disturbance
Audio disturbance (loud ringing whistling screaming in my head)
And strange experience designed to make those who report it appear ‘crazy’

My doctor is a nurse practitioner hired in a clinic run for profit for the poor and disenfranchised
She works too hard for too long for too many patients that appear (from my observations in the waiting area and from her reports of how they interact with her) not to really care, many simply want drugs and the lies and bull and theft and selfish impulsive dishonesty hurts her pride her soul her wanting to help and I understand. She works for people who only care about profits, again, in my opinion, and the volume of patients she sees could literally put her Licence to practice in jeopardy and she will not allow that.
Again, in my opinion, despite the fact that she is a good spiritual god loving person (she presents as such, I take things at face value despite the reality that my life has been more like the “Truman Show” movie than any regular self-directed, unobserved life as a targeted individual under possible remote neural monitoring technology after being exposed to nanotechnology, meta-materials on nano scale, gmo life forms as critters parasitically murder me by the millions, and whatever other toxic mind screwing things were done to me and Petra. So even if people are ‘involved’ in done way until I have concrete evidence to the contrary I act as though what they present is who they are… Leave the paranoid possibilities on the other side of the scale in the chance that the observations or intuition is true and not manipulated by professionals in an effort to continue functioning psychologically in a world were I have seen behind the veil and it was evil wrong interference in life liberty and happiness for what? I can not say. The new world order? Control of the most world changing technology to be used on human beings? The biggest profits and control as nanotechnology and synthetic biology and other new technologies change the way humans live work think hurt heal kill control war authority etc.., but I digress)
She is also human
Also, there is the doctor patient ‘power differential’ that they train them to exploit.
I get into trouble because I see most doctors as my equal. Just that they went to school and dedicated themselves to learning about medicine makes them empowered.
But unless they are clearly specialists or genius or able to think outside the box most folks find them selves thinking in and just how open they are to reality, how willing they are to explain everything to me as I want to know and can pretty much understand still, thank god.
if they care about me personally then I have been blessed.
Because many doctors I have seen would rather dismiss me.
Many act as if they are gods unto themselves.
One, when asked why I should take a medicine used only as a last defense against something I did not have, one with horrible permanent side effects such as uncontrollable pacing and suicide, and adverse reactions in high numbers, he told me ‘trust me’!
No thank you I told him.
I did not feel any care or warmth from him and he would not explain anything
Perhaps he hated me and desired to hurt me more by giving me bad medicine
Many psychiatric medicines have horrible effects and leave people even more debilitated than before the medicine.
That is one reason I desire to stick to the medicines I ‘know’ work for me ones I know the adverse profile and can tolerate
Medicines that do what they say and the pharmacokinetics are well studied and known.
Ones that ease my pain as I suffer horribly made sick by exposure to toxins insects genetic manipulation microwaves nanoparticals of graphene synthetic biology testing biogenesis and morgellons being covered in a huge population of dermodex and other unknown critters living inside me, black unknown ‘things’ inside every cell blood and body fluid I have tested undermicroscope, and whatever damage done by being targeted and used and slowly killed as well as facing the possible actual insanity due to brain damage and hypnotic programming control directed energy systems and whatever they have fond to my body and mind.
But again, I digress.
I am in horrible pain several times a week and worse episodes monthly
Headache lasting days
Difficulty speaking
Falling asleep uncontrollably
Extreme back and neck pain
Loud painfull ringing screaming sound inside my head (this is 24/7 but gets louder when I am (made?) sick(r?)
Covered from head to toe in flitting biting burrowing egg laying multiplying holding their feces inside until they die and going into my body
Hyper toxicity from parasitic gmo infestation that only seems to bite Petra and I
Leaving 3rd degree burn feeling in skin turned red and necrotic falling off leaving huge blistering pussy scabs leaving horrible scarring leaving he skin red inflamed and dead leathery hard with dark spots where they nest
Observed under magnification
Tiny black dots climbing Into pores
Tiny white silky looking worm like things floating everywhere and getting into mouth nose skin also tiny winged creatures that flit and bite crystaline clear and white in diffracted light
Microscopic biters with hooked nose mouth and eyes and little round bodies with digestive system and other insides visible under microscope
Also round clear worms or nematodes or spirochete like creatures, some with hooks on the end
And several others
All unidentified as yet
Biting flitting crawling jumping nesting killing rapidly aging and disfiguring the face
Morgellons disease?
Nerve damage
Brain damage
Lyme disease like symptoms
Recurring sickness at intervals possibly related to hatching life cycles
And I am in so much pain and suffering
After so much covert LSD to mess up my mind
And whatever is in my body
Destroying my eyesight
My organs
My systems
My life
I can no longer properly regulate body temp and have hot flashes like vomiting sweating then freezing shaking
One eye larger than the other
And my blood pulses in the artery in my right leg and groin as though there is blockage
I am dying from toxic shock and necrosis and viral replication all condition given to me
Despite what unbelievers believe
This all really happened
And many reading this know about some of this because they too have been infected
Are suffering
Freaking out as things that should not be emerge from their bodies like magic
Painful horrible un healing lesions
Fibers and bugs and life forms and nanotechnology emerging from the skin line magic
Biogenesis exploited to play a theatrical end times plague?
Or depopulate?
Human experimentation?
Joanie mitchael the singer claims to have this disease
A secret killer gone ignored by CDC and doctors claim no knowledge
Was it like this with HIV and aids?
Sickness and disease and medicine and death is BIG BUSINESS.
Technologies are being developed that can read the human brain and mind and determine scientifically what psychological disorder a human being suffers from. Because there telltale brain markers, if we are to believe the scientific journals
Would that make psychiatry a non-valid practice?
Would it change forever they way we diagnose and treat mental illness?
And genetic manipulation?
And synthetic biology?
And nanotechnology?
The human with money changes into the super man via implanted technology and biological rebuilding and enhancement of systems
The super soldier
The immune system that rebuilds the body regrowing list limbs healing broken bones and fixing anything gone wrong instantaneously
These are the technologies we face
Tracking and monitoring and input and hypnotic control of remote human brain via electromagnetics
Control of the weather
Cars that fly themselves
Techno future where humans are segregated by genetics money and corporate politics?

But again, I digress.

Here is the message I wrote while sick and vomiting
Angry because my doctor had yelled at me and called me names and made me feel I had somehow betrayed her
And refused to medicate my pain or ease my dying sickness
I felt rejected and angry because I did not see what horrible thing I had done to be treated suddenly like garbage
It becomes a major issue when targeted and gangstalked and tortured and rejected when someone actually cares for you or tries to help and then you put then iff with your strange truth and unknown disease and desperate need to be heard validated cared for
In hope that either
Doctors would help me to save my life from the ravages of this unknown sickness
Or if not able to fix it would have the sympathy to send me home with the proper medication to not have to suffer in so much pain as I die
At what point does palliative care become a reality?
How sick and in pain do I have to be to receive standard of care and mercy?

I am blessed and grateful that anyone cared
That thus doctor cares Snd wants to help me save my soul is precious and blessed
But the pain and suffering g in this life must be attended to
Debilitating disfiguring illness and pain

The message I sent to my doctor as I believed, wrongly it turns out, that she too had abandoned me as garbage.

“As I lay here on the floor in pain, after vomiting until there was not even bile in my stomach, my ears and hear screaming with a high pitched wistling hissing sound that never goes away, shaking, nauseous, unable to eat or drink, with stabbing pain behind my eye on top of headach and every smell sound light hurts my brain and makes my empty nauseous stomach almost vomit again, after taking the long list of medications that do not help the pain ( and I throw them up again) I think about how crappy you treated me in the office last visit.
And how you did not help me to a.) discover what is causing my sickness and eventual death b.)be able to bear the pain of being tortured, made sick, exposed to toxins, parasitic insects, microwaves, and god only know what else these evil people have done/are doing to me/Petra
I am suffering horribly
God is not going to heal me
I am hurt and angry at you as well as his ya did this to us”

And she called me up and apologized
And prayed for me
And told be all the bad things she could gave done to me but did not
And reminded me if how she trusted me
And told me how she was calling people to help me and getting people to pray for me
And I felt like a piece of shit
I felt so low for allowing my anger to be expressed in that way
I apologized as well

I did not realize that she still cared
That she wanted to help somehow
That she was even thinking about me

When it hurts that much and I was delirious from fever vomiting sickness pain pain pain pain and medication for the headaches and the panic attacks leaves me stupid drunk and blurry agitated and sometime into a rage hurts so much I was punching myself in the head over and over and over
And the only reason I stopped before I began bashing my own head on the floor in agony is because I still have enough common sense not to hurt myself more.
But when we suffer physically and are denied mercy full relief of our pain because of politics money fear lack of clear understanding or any other reason
It sucks
It’s wrong
Too many suffer throughout the world
And it hurts

Many times in the life of a person on methadone maintenance misunderstanding regarding the treatment it’s effects and our requirements for pain relief leaves us under medicated and in pain
Ignored in many ways
Marginalised and discriminated against because of our choice to become chained for life to a replacement drug therapy
Every time I came near to getting away from it someone or some circumstance brought me back
Perhaps it’s ny brain chemistry
After so many years in treatment my brain can not recover normal functioning
Perhaps I have always had a lower dopamine level than most folks
Perhaps I needed those molecules to balance my brain chemistry
Perhaps it was the pain if ritual MK-ultra style traumatic mind control program I apparently got enrolled in at birth as an adopted child
One born with the umbilical cord in a knot
Mother had toxemia while delivering
Doctors made a face
Would not tell her why
And if they had not revived me I would have been still born
But god had a reason and purpose for be here
I have to believe this
Not that I am any more special than every tiger human being here
Just they I am me and I believe god has plans for all of us
But I wish he did not have to make us suffer sick alone afraid in pain
I cry for those all over the globe that suffer
That have less than I do
That have horrible trauma war
Why does god make us suffer so much in this world?
Thank you for reading
Thank you for caring
Thank you for praying
Thank you for helping
I pray for you all
God please have mercy on all who suffer and ease their pain with mercy and love
Help humanity to live each other and end the suffering

About Timothytrespas

I am a victim of human experimentation MK-ultra mind control Morgellons nanotechnology syndrome & remote neural connectivity. I am an artist, inventor, musician, thinker, lover, human being who cares for all humanity & all life. I believe people should endeavor to live in peaceful cooperation rather than brutal waring survival of the most brutal. We live in a forced false-paradigm and I desire to wake people up from the 'trance hypnotic mind control programming' to the 'TRUTH of light and love'! Blessing and peace. Justice to all who suffer under tyranny. Compassion for all beings. May GOD have mercy on us all.
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15 Responses to Anger perhaps best kept to myself… Can god help me?

  1. Pingback: Some people probably SHOULD be targeted–with understanding: Timothy Trespas, psycho babbling bullying victim with occasional “Jesus outbursts”and end times prophecy: Gang stalking case studies – What is "organized gang stalkin

  2. will says:

    I guess ill start by saying i wish you were a total nut job. I had it bad like you for months but for no big reason i got a little better. Maybe because it nearly killed me thru cellulitous. Maybe they layed off me for a little while when that happened. Not to say i deserve whats being done in this experiment but i may be a target for a reason, and i dont blame them anymore. I am running out of reasons and why me excuses. I know why and it sucks for me but i am an adict a liar a cheat a thief a sick minded fuck and yet… i feel free in a way. I know factually whats happening and my higher than normal iq and understanding of reality makes me stronger than they know. Its starting to come back and im ready to fight back this time harder than ever. They cannot truely know the thoughts i have word for word which gives me an advantage in a way. Im not totally helpless and hopeless anymore. I know the summer will get bad but Im not going to play games this time. I was silly to take videos of their survailance of me because they have been altered everytime. I know they read what i say here but they dont know my secret plan this time. I will say i would never hurt anyone or myself but they already know how nonviolent i am, how calm i can be and yes theyve explored my weaknesses but theyre gonna find out my strengths soon. I will finish by saying i pray for everyone effected by this evil even if they too have evil in themselves. Thank you tim your descriptions have been accurate and comforting.


  3. seth says:

    jews are behind it all (Canaanites=Baal=fake Judaism)


  4. SC says:

    Well, the ear ringing is due to the use of gas, which your stalkers will have been using for years, just as they have done to many others. When you are outdoors, in normal oxygen levels and without being hit with narcotic-like anesthetic gas (you will suddenly feel lightheaded, your face may start to feel numb, and the ringing sharply increases – and if they hit you hard enough with the anesthetic gas – which is a legally controlled substance, by the way – then you may start to vomit), the ringing eventually subsides. Intense headaches arise from being gassed with either carbon monoxide or carbon dioxide and hit over and over again at the back of the neck and temples, over the ears. Keeping windows open is necessary, even in colder weather. The pulsing in groin and ankle is due to frequent microwave device (that is, weaponized commercial ground penetrating radar equipment, normally used to find pipes and other metal or concrete devices underground).

    If you wear earplugs, you will also hear your heartbeat suddenly become very pronounced (palpitations) and rapid. That is in response to the gas, which slows breathing and causes the heart to speed up to try to restore blood oxygen levels. In this way, the gangstalkers are able to mimic the symptoms of CHF, heart failure due to an enlarged heart. These idiots will also have doped your food AND water, the former with cheap, cheap drugs like PCP (causes mouth and nose numbing, lightheadedness and rapid heart beat at very low chronic doses) and the latter with diuretics, to make your body dehydrated, which brings on those headaches as well.

    I answered your plea for help in another reply elsewhere on this blog.


  5. Bengisee says:

    Hey my friend, something in you is going to fire up while you read this, a counterfeit mindset that works against the truth of JESUS CHRIST is at work within you and does not want you to know the TRUTH which WILL SET YOU FREE. My friend your suffering will NOT gain you redemption at any level with GOD.. what can a man do to redeem his fallen nature to a most Holy GOD? Know that through JESUS CHRIST YOU have already been REDEEMED at the CROSS, the suffering that you now exist in has already been suffered by JESUS at the Cross who took your sin and shame and every calamity and disease and went to the pit of hell for your sake that you may be made HOLY in the sight of GOD, (for GOD Justified you by punishing all your sin from the beginning of your life to the end on HIS SON JESUS!” DO not believe the lie of the enemy when he says, “YOU deserve this”, or “you are not worthy”. my friend it is through Jesus Christ the son of God you are made WORTHY and righteous in the Sight of GOD ALMIGHTY. You worthy man, CALL OUT UNTO GOD AND CLAIM THE GIFT OF GRACE HE HAS GIVEN YOU! Believe and receive! That is all you gotta do. Jesus Loves you, oh how he loves you, receive HIM ASK HIM TO HELP YOU OUT OF THE MINDSET OF “I CAN DO THIS MY SELF” Ask him to free you from the mindset of ” I must earn my redemption in GOD”,ALL LIES OF THE ENEMY! The only thing that is pleasing to GOD is when MANKIND submit themselves to HIS holy SPIRIT through faith and LETS HIM do the WORK of TRANSFORMATION inside himself. When YOU have claimed the Gift of grace and received JESUS’S HOLY SPIRIT know then that you will have COMPLETE AUTHORITY, as a adopted son of the most high GOD, TO CAST DOWN THOSE THOUGHTS AND imaginations that come against the truth of JESUS CHRIST and DESTROY THE BEINGS BEHIND THEM, make them suffer! For the sin they use to latch onto your being has been destroyed in CHRIST JESUS they have no more power over you, they come under you! how dare they! so receive Christ JESUS as your all sufficient savior. and destroy through the power of the Holy spirit the spiritual wickedness that works against you. Read this again and again until it HITS you. do not give in.

    Jesus Loves you bro, Give him your suffering, let him take it for he conquered it. Give Him the enemy’s of your mind, Stop struggling in your flesh against them, Only through HIS HOLY SPIRIT CAN YOU CONQUER THEM, when you operate in HIS HOLY SPIRIT against them they will fall, and your mind will be set free in Christ, it will be like the breath of fresh air sweet and scented, JESUS has conquered the enemy. He has already won the victory in all things, He will not have you suffer needlessly. HE WILL NOT give you over to cruelty or malice. HE WILL CHERISH YOU AS HIS SON, and raise you to be a conqueror, bringing freedom through the power of his HOLY SPIRIT THROUGH YOU to those afflicted by the likeness of which you,at this moment suffer.


  6. Pingback: Semi-Overt v.s Covert Mind Control | Monarch No Touch Torture aka Gang Stalking Information

  7. theoknock says:

    The burden of James Alan Bush, to Timothy Trespass:

    The consequences of anger:
    For man’s anger does not promote the righteousness God [wishes and requires].
    — James 1:20

    Cease from anger and forsake wrath; fret not yourself—it tends only to evildoing.
    — Psalm 37:8

    A man of wrath stirs up strife, and a man given to anger commits and causes much transgression.
    — Proverbs 29:22

    Do not be quick in spirit to be angry or vexed, for anger and vexation lodge in the bosom of fools.
    — Ecclesiastes 7:9

    He who is slow to anger has great understanding, but he who is hasty of spirit exposes and exalts his folly.
    — Proverbs 14:29

    The benefits of subduing anger:
    He who is slow to anger is better than the mighty, he who rules his [own] spirit than he who takes a city.
    — Proverbs 16:32

    Good sense makes a man restrain his anger, and it is his glory to overlook a transgression or an offense.
    — Proverbs 19:11

    Avoiding anger:
    Make no friendships with a man given to anger, and with a wrathful man do not associate…
    — Proverbs 22:24

    A soft answer turns away wrath, but grievous words stir up anger.
    — Proverbs 15:1

    Fathers, do not irritate and provoke your children to anger [do not exasperate them to resentment], but rear them [tenderly] in the training and discipline and the counsel and admonition of the Lord.
    — Ephesians 6:4

    Characteristics of a true child of God:
    I desire therefore that in every place men should pray, without anger or quarreling or resentment or doubt [in their minds], lifting up holy hands.
    — 1 Timothy 2:8

    A [self-confident] fool utters all his anger, but a wise man holds it back and stills it.
    — Proverbs 29:11

    But now put away and rid yourselves [completely] of all these things: anger, rage, bad feeling toward others, curses and slander, and foulmouthed abuse and shameful utterances from your lips!
    — Colossians 3:8

    Let all bitterness and indignation and wrath (passion, rage, bad temper) and resentment (anger, animosity) and quarreling (brawling, clamor, contention) and slander (evil-speaking, abusive or blasphemous language) be banished from you, with all malice (spite, ill will, or baseness of any kind).
    — Ephesians 4:31

    Characteristics of a child of Belial:
    Idolatry, sorcery, enmity, strife, jealousy, anger (ill temper), selfishness, divisions (dissensions), party spirit (factions, sects with peculiar opinions, heresies)…
    — Galatians 5:20

    God’s anger:
    For His anger is but for a moment, but His favor is for a lifetime or in His favor is life. Weeping may endure for a night, but joy comes in the morning.
    — Psalm 30:5

    But He, full of [merciful] compassion, forgave their iniquity and destroyed them not; yes, many a time He turned His anger away and did not stir up all His wrath and indignation.
    — Psalm 78:38

    The Lord is long-suffering and slow to anger, and abundant in mercy and loving-kindness, forgiving iniquity and transgression; but He will by no means clear the guilty, visiting the iniquity of the fathers upon the children, upon the third and fourth generation.
    — Numbers 14:18


    • Thank you for your hard work to bring together this collection of sound Advocacy from our Lord
      I do commit myself to the conquest of my anger to be won with grace acceptance mercy compassion grace love kindness goodwill hope faith charity and opening to allow god to work in me and through me
      Anger is never the right way
      frustration fear fatigue physical pain emotional pain brain changes and other influences that attempt to create stress strife frustration and anger in our lives are huge obstacles to overcome
      But overcome we must try try try
      We must master our anger lest it hurt us and others
      I do not desire to be angry
      I always feel bad having spoken or acted in anger always regret my angry expressions
      Always make things worse with anger
      Not better
      Compassion acceptance
      Thank you and may god bless you and all who suffer


      • theoknock says:

        So, no need to conquer your anger; you’re allowed to feel it. It’s what you do with it is what God looks at:

        Ephesians 4:26: Be angry, and do not sin”:[a] do not let the sun go down on your wrath…


  8. theoknock says:

    I’m putting together a very special message for you, Timothy; but, it’s going to take some time. Don’t act, don’t think until you hear from me…

    [James 1:20; Psalm 37:8; Proverbs 16:32; Proverbs 19:11; Proverbs 22:24; Proverbs 15:1; Proverbs 29:11; Proverbs 29:22; Ecclesiastes 7:9; Ephesians 6:4; 1 Timothy 2:8; Psalm 30:5; Psalm 78:38; Proverbs 14:29; Galatians 5:20; Colossians 3:8; Numbers 14:18; Ephesians 4:31]


  9. Mason Bruce Pitsenbarger says:

    Non-profit and non-prophet.


  10. Mason Bruce Pitsenbarger says:

    Grace, mercy and peace unto You,
    from God, our Father and from our Lord Jesus Christ,

    Timothy what we are suffering is covert surveillance,
    they use electronic weapons to inflict psychological abuse,
    and often times they expect us to cover for their crimes committed against us,
    they will falsely accuse you of a crime, plant evidence on your person, get you to confess for a crime that never was committed in reality via coercion and or persuasion in the mind, try to frame you for a crime and that “justifies” them abusing us in their eyes,

    Which don’t see so Good, the truth and true reality,
    God sees all of them, what they are doing, and he is going to hold all of them accountable for what they did to you.
    He also holds us accountable to be mature, adults and reasonable,
    I actually can relate with you because I vented my anger on people who only care for me and love me, which in my mind is exactly what they want you to do, be isolated and alienated from your friends and family and your loved ones,

    that allows them to dish out more abuse and try to make excuses, they will even claim you’re dishing out abuse, or you somehow deserve it, and that is insane thinking,
    they are unthinking and unreasonable people,
    they actually are going to be judged without mercy by God,
    because when we asked them to shew us mercy,
    they refused to, they continued to attack you, correct?
    this is the same experience I have suffered and same abuse I’ve been put through and same damage, same psychological abuse, I am not sure if mine was extreme as yours, but it’s invasion of privacy to record your thoughts, or invade your mind, it’s illegal to record you, watch you shower and use the restroom, it’s illegal to entrap you, entice you, try to extort bribes to be free from their abuse. It’s actually not random acts of violence, We were chosen to be psychological and biological experiments, and human experimentation is not illegal, but for the purposes they are doing this for, mind control, murder, treason and slander is abuse, death threats issued and threats of any violence whatsoever they have done to you in your own house is to say the least evil.

    You will receive Mercy by my SatGuru, he is non-violent, merciful, savior, healer, deliver, he will free you from these problems, and try not to ever let them convince you that you’re the problem or you somehow created this problem, They will be held accountable for this abuse, I’ve actually been through all of it with you.

    That is directly, from me to you.
    but I’d also like to share this with you, hopefully it will help you, but more so, I am asking my SatGuru to help free me, and you, and all of us, who have suffered this injustice which is based completely on lies by the way, truth will set you free, the truth is what sets me at liberty, the more I expose the truth, the more they seem to go away, lies can’t stay with the truth for very long,
    if you believe they have defeated you, you’re not wrong, but that point of view is wrong, they only abuse you when you are weak, they cannot touch you when you abide in the truth and you’re strong.

    Real surrender means doing
    nothing, unless prompted by your Guru. You step, so to say, aside and let your Guru
    live your life. You merely watch and wonder how easily he solves the problems
    which to you seemed insoluble.
    Alright Sadguru (Eternal Guru) I’ll so to speak (step aside) and watch and wonder how easily you solve my problems. The Jnani laughs, He is happy I am on the path to be in the Supreme State as Him. Ah!
    How wonderful. I permit You.

    O, God, Keep Us Alive By Thy Spirit and Thy Truth.
    O, God, There is none whom is Above You!
    O, God, Be my Eternal Refuge.
    O, God, I Put all of My Trust Within You.
    O, God, Be my Shield and my Guide.
    O, God, Through You and What You Provide I Have Eternal Life.
    O, God, Thy Throne will Endure Forever.
    O, God, Thy Spirit is beyond death and age, Bring me Within Thyself.
    O, God, Prove in all things You are the Truth.
    O, God, I Live by Thy Grace, Mercy and Peace Only.
    O, God, You alone are worthy to be called my Best friend.
    O, God, Raise us to Life that shall never end.
    O, God, You are the True Guru, None but You are SatGuru.
    O, God, You Alone are Divine.
    O, God, Let Your Light Shine and Awaken the Mind.
    O, God, Protect and Enthrone Yourself in my Heart.
    O, God, Let all beings find Refuge and Rest in You.
    O, God, Let all beings be comforted and cherished by You.

    O, God, I Have Faith That You Will See Me Through.

    O, God, I Pray That I Never Forget You.

    O, God, You have said I will never leave thee, nor forsake thee.

    O, God, I can have faith in You. I can put all my hopes in You.

    O, God, Even if all beings lie, You remain Truth.

    O, God, Have Mercy on us human beings.

    O, God, Have Mercy upon us all.

    O, God, May Your Will To Have Mercy Not Sacrifice Be Done.

    O, God, May Your Will To Have Eternal Life Remain True.

    O, God, May Do Thy Will, Mercy, Eternal Life, I Trust in You.

    O, God, Jesus Christ whom You have sent, I believe in You.

    O, God, You sent Jesus Christ to give us Eternal Life.
    ॐ You are True, Welcome us In to Eternal Life.

    O, God, I Pray that you prove my word and what I have said to have
    been the truth, That you will transmit the truth unto all beings.

    O, God, Free all beings from suffering and enlighten us.
    Gracefully, Mercifully Love Us.
    Teach me, make me, transform me, change me, remake me to be like You.
    O, God, Please Return All Grace, Mercy, Peace,
    Forgiveness and Eternal Life to Me.
    You Have Seen all the Good Things I Have Sown,
    It will Be Amazing to be Reaping the Benefits of all of the labor I
    have bestowed.
    Amazing Grace shall be seen when all good things come back to me, But
    even more so, When all things freely given by me, bless and make
    joyful my friends with beauty and mercy and peace in the Heart!
    Grace Us God, Bless all beings in the Mind and in the Heart!

    I wish to tell you, I have planted the seed of Eternal Life within You, and God will water it, and it shall grow, Let Eternal Life Manifest in You, and Let the Sadguru be true
    We can change our life in to SatSang, you’re already doing a very good job of exposing these people and telling the truth, but what will help you is noble company, it will help you increase in virtue, then they will be ashamed when they try to hurt you or me, they do it because they are truly miserable and “misery loves company”? Well, How about the Holy Spirit loves Company. the Divine in You loves company. the SatGuru loves company. That is SatSang. And I asked my SatGuru, my True Guru to Be with You and give you grace, mercy and peace, forgiveness, eternal life, light, salvation, deliverance, healing and freedom, and He Will, Because He already has Put that in You and he Desires it to Grow.
    Blessings upon you Sadguru, You are the Light and Savior of my Mind, You are the Mercy that is a refuge in my Heart, You are full of courage that even makes death surrender to You.
    I wish the Best for You. I hope you Know the Truth has blessed You, and He is with You, all the Time, He will never leave your side, and You never leave his Sight, and He desires for You, what is true, and right, and in Time, he will reveal all things unto You, and these things are good for you, not harmful, and will increase your joy, faith, hope, you will be a vessel for mercy and charity because you were called in to Eternal Glory. This is not the end of your story.
    Ek Ong Kaar Sat Guru Prasaad Reverses all negativity and curses placed upon us and transforms them in to the Light and Blessings and Glory of God. Be Well my Friend. My SatGuru is Nisargadatta Maharaj, He is the external Manifestation of the Sadguru, the Eternal King, That is who I am in Eternity, on Earth I am a human being like you, I guess I like to prove who I am to You, Eternally True He is With You. Amen.


    • Thank you my brother a fellow human being you have brought tears of pain and hope to my eyes
      I tend to forget to remember to be greatful for the little things (BIG things) people who are not sick broken or dying take for granted
      A toilet
      A bed
      Money to buy things required to survive and mitigate the pain and suffering of constant bites etc
      Manual dexterity

      I fear the loss of my bodies ability to function
      I fear forced dependence on others
      I fear ending up alone
      In a shelter with hundreds of others
      I’ve been there

      Being too sick to care for myself
      Having nothing to fall back on
      Faith in gods protection and provision is frequently lost
      My mind is in turmoil after so much of their covertly dosed LSD and other drugs
      Surviving the trauma of forced hallucinatory drugging
      The neuro cognitive effects of such long term high dose whatever they did combined together leaving me perched on the edge of some Kafka like experience
      Reminding myself not to fear the things I experience regardless of the possibility that it may be only in my mind or it may have done basis on reality that I have been changed in some way opened up to visions of entities in our Multi dimensional universe itself a possible vibratory holographic reality created and sustained by our creator
      Where is the interface between reality and what creates reality?
      Is there a space between what god does with us to us for us and what we decide to do or is it all already done
      Do we have an opportunity to obtain forgiveness for our sins our are we already judged?
      Can our actions, deeds, thoughts, or works contribute to our eternal judgement?
      If god creates souls for each person are there billions and billions of souls?
      God terrifies me
      I am terrified of eternal damnation as taught by catholic Christian teaching
      My life has been a series of mistakes wrong choices and attempts to get away from some unknown thing that seemed wrong with me with my life
      I used to believe I was a good person
      I have seen the many ways I have sinned and hurt others in some way
      My anger and fear and selfishness causes me great difficulty
      I believe I was influenced powerfully using MK-ultra hypnotic induction drugging twilight sedation and the resulting dream changed my life for the worse
      I was made to become the person they wanted me to be not who I would have been had no one Interfered in such an evil way
      I understand possible reasons
      It hurts when I realize I was a child and traumatized in some testing procedure working on trauma based control I imagine
      I still hold myself guilty for the impulsive wrong choices l made despite the outside influence
      Where does our responsibility lie when others manipulate us
      Us it our fault for not being wise to the beguiling ways of evil at a young age?
      Is it our caretakers or parents for not teaching us?
      Does it even matter?
      I look through the past to try to understand who I am today
      What makes me me
      I feel I need to somehow give back or give out what I so dearly require
      Help hope
      Doing something for others to aid and comfort and end suffering
      Because that is what I need
      I need to try to find some way to give others what I need
      I feel that deeply

      I know I am under stress and sick and I do not always say the right thing or talk to much or complain a lot but I am trying to express the emotions and thoughts I experience
      I feel a need to express myself
      It may not be the safest response to this but i have been made quite sick and i don’t have much else to give but my thoughts prayers and hope
      I wish I could give more hope to others
      You have helped me with this hope
      Bless you
      Sorry to go on and on…
      Thank you


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